THE GREAT INDIAN MARRIAGE TRICK

Our nation has gained reputation for Mahatma Gandhi,Kamasutra and The Great Indian Rope trick the world over but there is a lot more our nation can boast of.Its a nation where great marriages are made.The keyword here being MADE.It is a commong sight for us to find our mothers and aunty's talking about the various possible matches,scrutinizing to an extent that can even leave stock market analysists ashamed.Sometimes I am tempted to inquire that where did such thing which we know as "Arranged Marriage" started.

Arrange marriage does have a prominent presence in all the ancient cultures of the world but the question is if as an individual we are ready to commit ourselves to this long prevalent custom of ours.As for me arranged marriage is an institution which debars an individual to exercise his basic right of freedom.Maybe I sounds a little harsh but in most cases,its the only truth.The two parties involved are least concerned about the individuals to be betrothed.They seem to be only concerned about the economic status, social class, educational levels and even astrology rather then how the two of them mutually feel about each other.In a society of ours where love is still considered a taboo by majority such system obviously justifies its prevalence .

I m not a marrige expert and neither have I been in many relationships but I find it safe enough to say that for two individuals to be sharing thier lives and respecting each other,love is necessary .Though there is no defination of what love is but in most cases the least essential criteria for two people to be in love is to know each other.When we talk about the kind of relationships which our parents had forged or which a lot of us are going to forge we can easily see absence of love ,atleast in the starting point of a relationship if not the latter.The bride and the groom hardly get to meet each other.They talk over phone a lot perhaps or chatt a lot but interaction is restricted to a limit.Neither of them seems to be courageous enough to tell all about his/her life simply because the stakes are too high.But what i question is that if someone is so scared and cant even tell me the truth ,then how can I trust that person throughout my life for trust is the basis of any relationship,be it friendship or love.

This is not all but a small part of how harmful arrange marriages are for the individuals themselves .The worst part of it is for potential brides.How many times a young girl has to parade in front of some strangers carrying cups of tea trying to vow them or expecting them to be vowed.How many times she has to face insult from her parents and relatives when she fails to do so. We in mordern India talk about Women Empowerment but how often we look at this dark side of how we treat them as mere objects.I fail to understand why our parents or relatives continue to do that.How can they turn a blind eye to this when they have nurtured the girl as thier heart and soul for so many years.But is all happens and we accept it because it is a part of our so called 'Great Culture'.Great becomes truly great when everyone accpreciates and aknowledges it and though our culture is really great but institutions like arranged marriage are a blot on it.

At this point of time I m forced to ask myself that why does an arrange marrige work?I have debated over love vs. arrange marriage point with many of my elders and the only shield they posses is that arrange marriage works.But i ask ,that what is the defination of a marriage that works to them.In most of the cases it works because of the lack of expectations from both the sides.Their are no expectations and the roles for both individuals in more or less bound.Is this the essence of what we call a happy life.Long have we heard our parents teaching us to get into good colleges and good comapnies thereafter just to earn fat salaries and get good lifepartners.But does my salary or my education or my employer decide the kind of person I am.We are born in the land of virtues,and are my elders telling me that my virtues depend on the salary that i earn?A love marriage might fail but atleast I will know that it was my decision and how my feelings changed for my counterpart over the time period and why they changed?Atleast thier will be a sense of expectation and a whole lot of trust on her.Someone whom I can share my deepest fears and crazy desires with,someone on whose side i want to wake up every morning..Not someone who brings me a cup of tea and says suniye ji utth jaiye because she knows what her role is but someone who can even order me at times to make breakfast for her today.

The more I think about it the more I am tempted to write.Dowry demands and the culture of spending high amounts of money on marriages are all the banes of an institution which we know as arrange marriage.If only someone can redeem countless women who died because of bursting gas stoves maybe and only maybe I may weaken my stand against it.Till that happens i really wish that all the us reform ourselves.